I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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