Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
