Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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