Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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