summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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