so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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