hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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