Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
