I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
