I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
