She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
