thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
