his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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