He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
His nipple licking is glorious
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