do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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