Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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