Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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