Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
