Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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