Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
