I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
