Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
