dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
