Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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