No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
