Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
