the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
