Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
What a dumb baby whore.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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