I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
