Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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