The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
