I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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