Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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