My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
