she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
