Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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