i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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