Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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