she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
