I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
