about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
