member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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