dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
