Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
