listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
