i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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