What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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