Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
