If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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