I cockslap morals
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
