I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
