My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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