All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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