The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I lost the right to judge tonight
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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