Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
